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06 October 2008

Problematic PMS

Attention: This entry contains my views and opinions regarding PMS in general. No offense ya, ladies! =)

It's simple. PMS means Premenstrual Syndrome, or my own term: Pitiful Man Suffers. In case you don't know what is PMS, it's something that happens to adolescent girls approximately a week before her auntie visits. Ya get what I mean, right? *wink*

When girls are having PMS, their mood swings like the pendulum of my grandfather's clock.

The calculations of mood swings.

In θо² + y1 - h, her mood will swing 60°. So at one moment she's all smiling and laughing.

Ahhhhhhhhh~

When the pendulum reaches the other side, she screams like Mariah Carey.

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

They're amazing huh? So when girls are having PMS, they must prepare the most important thing: sanitary pads.

Whisper Sanitary Pad.

I'm confused. Why girls go screaming when their sanitary pad says 'whisper'? Hmm...

Actually not only men fear this Periodic Mon-Ster; women also. Girls with PMS will use their Powerful Mega Superweapon at their own girl friends too. That's when you see girls bitch fighting.

However in this entry, I'll narrow down the scope to PMS situations in relationships. Ya know, when boy meets girl yada yada.

Very often (once a month is often you know?), the girlfriend acts strangely: she whines, grumbles, complains and criticizes almost everything. That includes every tiny-winy matters too.

When facing a PMS, the boyfriend should be patient and calm. You can't fight fire with fire right? So when she's on fire, you turn yourself into an Ice Magician to cool her down. You listen to her. You offer her every need. You pamper her.

Remember one important thing you ought to do is to give in. If you do so, everything will be fine and once it's over, she'll feel bad for treating you that way. She'll feel so damn bad until she's willing to give in to your most important NEED! Hehe. Okay that's untrue - not every girlfriend is like this. You're a lucky bastard if your girlfriend is!

So I repeat: Give In. =)

Here are some PMS situations and recommended responds:
  • She tells you that you're not treating her like normal. (Ya, you know that she's the one treating you badly.)
    You say: Dear I love you.

  • She criticizes you for your silly actions. (You do that ever since you're born!)
    You say: I'm sorry dear.

  • She scolds you for eating too much. (She's the one who ate lesser due to lost of appetite caused by PMS.)
    You say: Dear I love you.

  • She complains that her friend is an annoying nuisance. (Look who's talking!)
    You say: Dear I love you.

  • She is angry with the way you fold the clothes and shows you her way. (Err, just admit she's better.)
    You say: Yes dear, you're right.
So to simplify things, all you need to do is to memorize these 3 important phrases:
  • Dear I love you.
  • I'm sorry dear.
  • Yes dear, you're right.
Take note. You must use the word 'dear' (or anything you use to call your beloved: honey, piggy, doggy, catty, pussy) in every phrase to encounter the PMS situations. You're strongly encouraged to do so.
  • Example: I love your pussy. Oops! I meant you, pussy!
Anyway, some boyfriends might ask: How in the world would I know that she's having PMS? So that I can prepare myself for the WAR ZONE?

PMS ZONE!

Or also known as Pussy: Men Stayaway! Zone.

Okay, the easiest way is to ASK! Too shy? Oh common, you're her boyfriend and you don't dare to ask? Right, maybe some girls will slap their boyfriend for asking that. So just ignore this method.

Another way is to find out her period time, and you do the calculations. 28 days apart, 7~10 days before the period, is her PMS ZONE! If you still can't get her period time. Don't worry, there is one more way.

The last way is to... just listen to her and don't go against her words - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month and 12 months a year! By doing so, you don't have to worry about any PMS WAR. =P

By the way, I want to declare that I do experience Male PMS. It's true that men have PMS too!

I suffer from PMS too.

I'm having...

Personal Money Shortage!

So give in to me and give me some money! =P

20 comments:

  1. Ha,ha,ha. I had to admit, I agree with you. It's very entertaining how you explain it!! And it's sooo true!!

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  2. Hahaaa....good one :)
    We all suffer from some form of PMS indeed;)

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  3. tsk tsk. PMS...

    >.<

    Non-related: I don't wanna study d!!!

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  4. Wei Ken... since when you so pro about PMS ah?

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  5. Personal Money Shortage....ha ha

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  6. funny post.

    thanks for dropping by! :)

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  7. LOL! good post! i always tell frens i m having da male version of pms but it was so vague! now tht u defined it so clearly! no prob in explainin anymore!haha

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  8. Lol!! Ken.. relating to life experience? XD

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  9. Hmmmm are you PMS'ing? Because that was a lot of manwhining.

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  10. Why PMS is such a hot topic these days ar? ^_^

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  11. Oh my. You poor man. In theory, the advice is good. In practice, not so much.

    See, my family just narrowly survived the most vicious onslaught of PMS that I have ever experienced. The absolute ONLY response that was proper was down on one knee, head bent, arms raised in silent offering of the finest chocolate.

    I have since return to my regularly scheduled human form, and do look back in mild horror at the mate-devouring preying mantis I become once a month.

    So. Wise words. Just be aware that your advice will not always work.

    Cheers!

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  12. My PMS is striking, help!!! Treat me right in everyway, haha!

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  13. hahhahha, this is the first time i read you blog and what an interesting topic you have there...well, chocolates can help an girl with PMS and not all girls eat less during PMS..hahhhaha...intersting...h

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  14. after reading the whole thing, d only word i can say is "lol"

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  15. i love this post!!! funny and true man..and i love the way you describe PMS...lolz..keep it up..
    support support

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  16. I was laughing away at the last paragraph =D
    Personal Money Shortage! ahahaha

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  17. Your definition of PMS is damn great! All of us suffering it!

    ReplyDelete

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